Monday, I concocted the most amusing breakfast. Let me tell you about it.

If you were to open my cereal cupboard, as I did Monday morning, you would find:

Kashi Go Lean
O Organics Oat Bran Flakes
Northern Gold Raspberry & Blueberry Granola
Northern Gold Raspberry & Blueberry Granola (backup box)
Cinnamon Toast Crunch

I like the healthy stuff, but it was definitely a Cinnamon Toast Crunch morning. Yeah, yummy stuff, I know. Most mornings, I am not in the mood for anything big, and this day was no different. In fact I usually don’t even have a bowl of cereal. I prefer a Slim Fast shake.

But Monday, as I kept looking back and forth between the CTC and the pyramid of SlmFast containers, I got an idea. Then I backed off the idea because it seemed too childish. Then I came to my senses and remembered that I can do whatever the hell I want because I’m an adult.

Laughing at how silly I had been for attempting to govern myself, I pulled down a rock glass and poured half a glass of milk. Added half a scoop of vanilla Slim Fast. Stirred it up. Then fill up the glass with Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Voila. (If I were composing this post in Microsoft Office Word 2007, instead of Blogger’s shitty online editor, that word would have the correct accent marks.)

In related news, Slim Fast must have been on my mind the other night, because I actually quoted to someone the famous Tommy LaSorda tagline, “If I can do it, you can do it.” But in that context, it had to do with crawling out from under tables at the Irish Emigrant.

Speaking of the Irish Emigrant, Monday night I sang Sunday Morning by No Doubt. I couldn’t resist the challenge of trying to sing Gwen Stefani. It came out all right… above average. Not quite as good as my Axl Rose.

Speaking of Axl Rose, “Axl Rose” is an angram for “Oral sex”. Thanks Wikipedia! What would I do without you!