Authors note: I wrote this poem in August 2014 after I realized that I have more friends named Jessica than any other name. According to the Social Security Administration baby names stats, Jessica was the #1 or #2 most popular name for baby girls for 17 consecutive years, from 1981 to 1997.
Collective Nouns for Jessicas
Jessica! Jessicas, gather around
A plethora, a-plenty so many abound
I know six or seven
… or is it eleven?
Potentially possibly more could be found
Each one is unique
But I strain as I seek an
Appropriate, alliterative, collective noun
To define a collection
Of words that begin with a J or ja- sound
A jury of Jessicas is packed with my peers
A juggernaut’s ready to sail
A jaundice of Jessicas? Nah, that seems sick’ning
A jiffy, a jig, or a jail?
A juxtaposition means they’re adjacent
A jiggle flip-flops all around
A joyful of Jessicas sounds pretty happy
A jet plane zip-zooms out of town
What shall we call our new baby girl?
Maybe Jenny or Ashley will do?
No way, she’s Jessica!
Said your mom and dad
Then ten million others did too!
But I’ve gone astray
From my search for a J-word
To roundly refer to you all
(Although I have no fear
I’d better not be here
When someone, not Jessica, calls)
Geese form a gander
Jessicas … gerrymander?
Now that one just pushed the line
A Justice League, wonder?
Two words are too many this time
A jumble of Jessicas gets kind of scrambled
And everyone groans at the puns
A jam of Jessica’s blackberry brambles
No longer preserves any fun
A joker of Jessicas?
Not in the cards
A jersey will not cross the bridge
A Juggle’s amusing
Just desserts gets confusing
The Jell-O mold sets in the fridge
A Jug? Jar? Jalopy?
Now we’re just getting sloppy
You Jessicas can’t be contained!
Not sure what I was thinking
I’ll go back to drinking
My Juicy Juice out in the rain